bullied to brave.

Back to old fashioned (heavyass) Olympic lifting and pavement pounding on weekends. The best time to reflect on craziest emails and clients of the week ;-)

Back to old fashioned (heavyass) Olympic lifting and pavement pounding on weekends. The best time to reflect on craziest emails and clients of the week ;-)

And the award goes to the one who doesn’t give a fuck.

I used to be that girl who would try to seduce my boyfriend away from his gym sessions with endearing puppy eyes, just so we can go to the movies.

Then after the date when we’re both back home, I’d insist on talking on the phone for 3 hours until we fall asleep together.

My life consisted on being a really stellar student. Full stop. I didn’t have a passion beyond my books. I didn’t work out. I didn’t volunteer, I didn’t do anything else but study. So, I relied on the boyfriend for my social escape.

That was shit unhealthy.

But so is my 180 switch to being the one who seriously doesn’t give a fuck. It’s usually a good thing if it simply implies that you’re independent, and have a really vibrant life — that when you date a man, he’s a bonus, but without him, you’d do just as well.

But I’ve taken it to an unnecessary stage. One where I’d ignore the shit out of the dude on purpose just to make a statement - I don’t need you.

Since when is needing a disease?

Oh wait, the stupid games that we human like to play. The power-love push-pull, oh you need me? I win - games.

Then it’s not as if I’m sitting around waiting for a dude to text me. I literally have conditioned myself to not give a fuck. This does NOT mean I’m not hurting. Fuck, it hurts (sometimes at least).

And sometimes, I run along into those thoughtcatlogy articles that sort of help me lie to myself that it’s okay to care. Wrong-o.

Nothing wrong with those advices. It IS okay to care.

When you’ve been with a dude who who’ve dated for a year, and he’s STILL embarrassed to introduce you to his friends — I think it really fucks you up with rejection issues. And (this may be TMI), but I’ve been a victim of post shag “oh, baby but I only see you like a baby sister…….. call you next year” kind of bs.

This is just the cream of my bullshit pie. Hell I know it’s unhealthy for me to let my past dictate how I live my life forever. But this is the way I protect myself.

I’m not going to take revenge on men, don’t get me wrong. But I’d go the extra mile to remind you that with or without you — my life’s going to be amazing (even when I really want you to spoon me to sleep tonight).

It’s not the happiest way to live your life, I promise. I’m not advocating being this forever-in-control woman who has all her shit together, no emotions, no outbursts… but this is the only way I’ve learnt to protect myself.

Have you ever curled up in a ball crying, feeling hollowed and worthless… because an asshole you liked for the longest time told his friend to tell you that you were too ugly to be seen together with?

10+ years of that bullshit is why I’d choose to live safe, that being the one who cares too much is just not worth the pain.

If I smell an impending heartbreak, I’m exiting before the 2nd drink.

One day, I’d let go and live.

But for now, this is my war. A war I know many of you are going through. So here’s me saying that it’s okay.

We make choices for the way we live.

As long as it keeps us breathing — I say, have the courage to do it your way.

7 lessons from my first 7 months into the working world.

1. You can’t fix people.

When will I bloody learn.

I spend way too much of my time nurturing (and I’m not sorry about it) those who have the potential to grow. The problem is - I often get disappointed when they refuse to learn, or take my advice.

Some time last month, something clicked. And I learn that you can only lead by example. That people will grow at their own pace, and learn from their own mistakes, and not through your words (even when they’re laced with the best intentions). 

2. Be unforgiving about making time for yourself

Where I come from, there’s a strong culture of being in the office till late even when you’re done with work. Reason being you want to appear hardworking in front of your peers and bosses. If you leave at 5.45pm (it doesn’t even matter if you come in at 5am), everyone’s going to shout "WOOOOOWWWW SOO EARRRRLYYY?!?!?!?!" 

Even if the companies I’ve been in are pretty flexible and relaxed, I’ve always been extremely nervous and guilty about when I can leave work. I usually have fixed training times at the gym at 6.15pm and for the first few months, I’d just twiddle my thumb and stay (obviously missing my training)…. JUST BECAUSE I FELT GUILTY.

Get over it.

Stop having lunch at your desk just because it looks like you’re ploughing through work. Make time for yourself. If you don’t even have 30 minutes to walk out and get a sandwich - I’m going to raise my brows at you and shout “EXCUSES” while shooting guacamole balls in your face.

I leave when I’m done with work, and I train 5 times a week even when I could have possibly stayed back to finish more emails. 

Be unforgivingly respectful and loving to yourself. Take that time and make your life count. Work is a part of your life, NOT your entire life.

3. Sometimes, being nice isn’t going to cut it

When you work in advertising, you’re going to be surrounded by cool ass kids. Expect ping pong games across the office (no kidding) at 3.30pm, email threads of cat memes, printing fail ads and laughing “you cat to be kitten me right meow”. 

This may sound weird, but I’m going to say it any way. For those who are anything like me, I tend to get extremely focussed when I have a task at hand. I make things happen, and I make sure we’re always on schedule, on budget, on point. So sometimes, I feel the pressure to laugh, and be the nice, loveable kiddo.

"Come on… lighten up a little". 

You thought peer pressure ended in middle school? You’re wrong.

But hey - once you know when to be serious and get things happening, stop worrying if people are going to hate you because you’re no longer laughing at their cat jokes (hello deadline in 20 minutes?!). 

Be nice 80% of the time. Then crack the whip when you need to.

4. Stop trying to make “busy” fashionable

Oh if I had a nickel for every time this conversation pops up. 

"Hey… how’s work"
"Been really busy…”

Work can be productive, stressful, challenging, insightful, groundbreaking, stagnant, illuminating, adventurous, informative — whatever it is, you better be more than just “busy”. 

The best of the best is that I used to be so proud that I finally get to wear the *busy* badge. Oh you shiny gold *busy* badge - yea you do maketh me feel important. 

What the hell has being busy got to do with how efficient or good you are at your job?

Stop saying you’re busy, and reevaluate how things truly are.

5. Get the hell out and meet people

I love my bed. Alot.

Friday evenings used to be spent wrapped up in my duvet like a burrito. Meow. Purrito, meow. 

Then when things revved up at work, and I was handling new business, I took a shot of courage (amongst other shots), and started heading out on my own to bars. You’d be amazed at the people you start to meet. Even people not from your industry - boy oh boy, you’d be fascinated at the wealth of knowledge that you can tap from these new contacts (and hey, new potential clients too!). 

But don’t be a sucker shrimp and try to ascertain if you can mooch money off them all the time. Not a potential client? Who cares? Make a friend. The point is this, the bigger your circle, the bigger the opportunities.

Oh and of course, the bigger the fun. :)

6. Find your therapy, and therapize a ton

(lol nope, therapize is not a word.)

I don’t care how much you love your job, there WILL be days where you want to strangle the sh** o*t *f your b*ss, your in*ern, and your cl**nts. 

You better get to know yourself well. And I mean, know what makes you feel good, happy and sane.

For me, I’m super simple. If I’m not in a *safe* place, I will do one of the following:

1) Head for a super intensive godforbidIeverbreatheagain training session
2) Indulge in a cold ass glass of old fashioned
3) Buy a shit ton of groceries and cook a months worth of whatever.
4) Have a bubble bath and soak my feels away
5) Insert physical activity here that’s not safe for underaged readers
6) Buy fresh flowers and imagine that my super romantic (and super imaginary) lover surprised me with the bouquet to cheer me up

Find your therapy list, and go to them (whenever necessary) in order to prevent any work-related murders.

7. It’s okay to have not okay days

Top 10 tips to be more productive.
How to energize your mornings with these 5 steps.
Make the most of your days with these 6 tips.

And you wondered why we’re under stress?

There’s going to be days when your brain isn’t functioning, when you just spelt cult as clit (I kid you not), and you’re just not working like your usual machine-like self. 

Give yourself a break instead of stressing yourself out further. Take a walk, and remember to breathe. 

Work on the lighter tasks that will give you momentum to carry on. 

The trick is to remember that you’re human. (no, apparently you’re not a machine)

If you’re tired, your body is telling you something.

It’s time for an old fashioned, early sleep, and I promise it’d be a better day tomorrow. :)